christmas fucking cheer

When I was little X-mas was about the anticipation of gifts and with that came the expectation of some kind of blow up within the family. My dad usually got drunk and mad about something and at a very early age I learned to put together my own toys so he didn’t have to bitch about it. As I grew up I cared less about gifts and more about the fact that I knew something was going to blow up and I’d end up in tears. It usually never fails there are always tears, not of joy, at xmas for me. When I was poor in my late teens and early 20’s I thought hand made gifts were where it was at. I’ve got a lot of crafty skills and I always thought I could make someone something better than I could find at the store. Soon I had a tiny bit more money than I had time on my hands so hunting for the perfect gift was my goal, something that I knew in my heart that person would really enjoy. Now as an adult in my 30’s I just don’t give a fuck anymore. Xmas is now about making a list of the shit you want so someone else can go buy it for you. I don’t see the point in this. Here’s my list of shit so you don’t have to really know me to know what I would like. I’ve become so dependent on the list that I’m terrified to deviate from the list and hell, if there is no list what do I do then? Then you have to remember a gift receipt, so people don’t know what you really paid unless they hate it enough to take it back and then they can be upset with you for not spending enough.. or getting the right thing from the fucking list in the first place. I don’t need this shit, it’s fucking stressful. Hunt around for the best deal, buy it, take it back when you find out someone else bought the same thing or when you find it for an even better “lowest fucking price”. Don’t forget that we have to drag this shit 5 1/2 hours most likely in a lake effect snow storm and then have people yell at me for not finding snow “magical, refreshing, or calming”. I use to think that giftcards were lame and impersonal. Fuck that shit. Everyone is getting a gift card. Maybe I’ll make you a lil something something, but that’s it. You know what my gift to myself this year is? Not landing my ass in jail for fucking up some asshole in a store when they can’t get out of my way, or decide what they want, or know how to use the fucking self checkout. Seriously people, if you can’t master the self checkout and make it faster than going to a real person don’t fuck up my day. I can use that shit like a pro, in fact I’ve got most of those “key in codes” memorized so get the fuck out of my way.
I don’t have any x mas cheer, I don’t find the magic in the holiday, and I sure as hell don’t think it was the night my savior was born. So I will give you my money and you can go fight for your own shit. You know what I want? I want every shelter animal to find a loving home, I want to feel like a normal happy person more than once a month, I want to feel like someone actually knows me and loves me and most of all I want some fucking motivation so I can know what I really want in life so I can be vaguely productive, artistic and valuable. Try finding a deal on that. Merry fucking xmas.